Separation

So, I decided to create a blog to chronicle my feelings about the end of this journey... my marriage. Since I can't exactly post to Facebook and don't have many people to talk to, I thought the best I could do instead was to create a blog and let my feelings out as they come.

Before I do, I should probably explain the situation up until now. This will be long. Warning has been given.

My husband and I met online through a mutual friend we both knew from the game World of Warcraft. This was back in January 2010. Said friend posted something on Facebook that was World of Warcraft related and I made a comment on it. My husband, Ben, made a comment as well, and within a few hours, I had received a friend request from him, which I accepted.

We quickly began talking and soon found myself flying to South Dakota in March for our first in-person visit. It became quite clear we had developed deep feelings for one another. After much discussion, we looked into spousal visas for me to move to the US, which meant that we needed to get married. Since the immigration process was going to be long enough, we decided to do a simple courtroom marriage. So, we got engaged in April and married the next month, in May. To make a long story short, after a lengthy immigration process, I was finally able to move to the US in May 2011, right before our first year wedding anniversary (which we ended up spending at his co-worker's cabin in Minnesota for the weekend -_- not exactly what I was looking forward to, but he seemed oblivious to how important our first year wedding anniversary was...).

So, everything seemed to go well at first. After spending 9 months of our first year of marriage apart (he only came to visit me in Canada five times, and just for a few days each time), we were finally together. Unfortunately, this euphoria didn't last long. Around the fall some time, he stopped saying 'I love you' and stopped holding my hand and such. Soon after, before Christmas, he told me the heart-wrenching news: he stopped having feelings for me. A break was discussed, but nothing really ever came of it. We just kind of plowed on with our lives.

And then early May 2012 arrived. At our apartment, we had our computers set up back-to-back. One night, while I was over his shoulder, I saw a message that had just come through on Facebook from one of his friends that lived in a city about 2 hours south. It said along the lines of "I'm going to take a shower, want to join me?" I quickly turned around, pretending I didn't see it. He quickly shut down his computer. My heart was thumping. I didn't do or say anything for the rest of the night. The next morning, while he was in the shower, I checked his phone. He had sent a couple text messages to her apologizing for leaving so quickly but I had been over his shoulder when she sent that message. She asked in return if I had seen it, and he replied with no. As soon as he went off to work, I logged onto his computer and his Facebook account. I soon found myself extremely nauseous with the conversations they had. Not only were they talking inappropriately and saying things like "when/if you divorce...", but I also found out that he had gone to visit her on weekends while I was at work. I felt so sick that day that I couldn't even eat lunch. At the time, I was still joined to an immigration forum that I had joined when we first had started the visa process. I wanted some advice, so I created a thread discussing what had happened and what I found. After many responses, I decided that once Ben got home from work, we needed to talk. So, we did. When I first asked about the message, he lied and pretended she was just kidding. That's when I confronted him saying I knew the truth. After much discussion, we decided it'd probably be best to separate. Yet, later that evening, I got an email from him saying he had found that thread on the immigration forum I had created and said he realized what he had done, etc etc, and wanted to work on it. So we tried. It got a little better, but nothing like it once was.

Two years passed and on our 4th anniversary, after giving me some presents, he said 'I love you' for the first time in about 2.5 years. We said it back and forth over the next few weeks, but sadly, it didn't last long and it tapered off to nothing after awhile.

And then enter Minecraft. I will forever hate this game.

So, I can't recall when, but it was sometime at the end of summer in which Ben started to talk to these 13 (or so) year old girls from the game. And as is usual with him, he added them onto Facebook. And then began the constant talking. Then added on Skype. Then he started to even talk to them. And all this time, I'm just sitting alone in the computer room.

It escalated one weekend, part of it because of his interactions with them and in part due to me feeling extremely left out while his family was up in town visiting one weekend and I got called into work for a couple hours. I did the whole silent treatment the next day and when Ben left to go out, he texted me what was wrong. I then explained how I felt left out and such. I believe that night we talked again and concluded that divorce might be the best option.

So, I started looking for apartments. After finishing up one visit over the weekend, I got a text from him saying maybe we shouldn't be hasty and try working on things. So, I stopped looking at apartments. A couple weeks later, I went on a solo trip to Orlando to visit Disney and Universal.

My first night back was absolute crap. While at dinner, he was texting the entire time with a friend. I was so disappointed because I wanted to talk about my trip, but alas no. And once we got back home, he spent the entire evening out in our living room playing on his new PS4 and talking on Skype or FaceTime with one of those girls. I just felt utterly crushed, and on my first night back as well...

It unfortunately did not get any better the rest of the week. He pretty much spent every single night out in the living room, talking to this girl, and messaging them. Meanwhile, I'm sitting alone in the computer room, contemplating looking at apartments again.

That Friday, I received an email from him while I was at work. Part of it was written before my trip, but he didn't want to send it so I can enjoy my trip to the fullest (gee, thanks). The rest was written afterwards. Basically saying we probably rushed into our marriage, neither of us are happy, etc etc. He suggested we should take a break and see how things go.

So, the apartment search resumed. I looked at a few more just this past weekend and decided to apply for one on Monday night. Still waiting to hear back. Keeping my fingers crossed my application gets accepted!