So, when I got home from work, I was prepping a package I was mailing to a friend (selling her my old phone). Halfway through, Ben left for supper at the newly opened Panda Express. It's about a 10 minute drive away. And being a fast food place, it'd take like what, 30 minutes max to order, receive your food and eat it?
Well, he left at 5ish, and it's now 7pm. Over 2 hours and he's still not home.
In that amount of time, I was able to go to the local grocer, mail off two packages, go to a restaurant myself, eat, then go over to Best Buy to browse their selection of TVs, modem routers, etc, and come home.
Yeah, definitely not going to miss wondering where he is, and more importantly, WHO he is with, even if it's someone on the other end of his iPhone or iPad. Oh, and did I mention, since he got him this weekend, his iPad is nowhere to be seen. I suspect he left it in his car. Probably using it right now at the restaurant to Skype/Facetime.
*sigh* Less than 2 weeks to go and I should be living on my own...
Update: Finally, after 3.5 hours, he came home at 8:30pm with a Starbucks cup in tow. Guess I know where he spent the rest of the evening after supper...
It must be hard for someone like you, being such a nice person, to understand someone that only cares for himself, but that's the way he is and he's not interested in changing... so stop caring about him.. he does not deserve that.
ReplyDeleteYeah, over the past week, I've stopped caring and giving him my full attention. Why should I if he doesn't?
DeleteI think he's actually making it EASIER on you by being such an absolute douche about it. I'm sure there will be some residual pain for awhile but he's really lobbing up a softball here in terms of getting over it.
ReplyDeleteWhat a guy!
-Matt
Haha, you know what, you're right! I think him being out all the time and being so disrespectful to me is actually a blessing in disguise because, even though I haven't moved out yet, I already feel like I'm healing from all the pain that this has caused me.
DeleteTrue enough!
DeleteObviously, I don't know enough about your relationship, but I can say with certainty that those "awkward" break-ups are a lot harder. It's almost as if he's completely checked out at this point. I guess some women would look to *themselves* as being the problem which is never good or healthy. Glad you don't seem to be.
-Matt
Yeah, in most ways, it doesn't feel awkward. At this point, it just feels like we're two roommates living together, one of whom will soon be moving out. But yeah, it's definitely like he checked out. It's like he doesn't even acknowledge we're still married :/
DeleteAnd oh, I know the problem isn't me. It's allll him. He's the extreme social butterfly, adding everyone onto Facebook and talking with them all the time. At the moment, it's those 13 year old girls. He's the one with the issues.
The 13 year old girl thing is tripping me up. That just seems bizarre beyond comprehension. I know everyone has their "thing", but he's setting himself up for some nasty problems.
ReplyDeleteOh, it's definitely weird. And the sad thing is, he sees absolutely NO issue with it. You should see some of the messages they've exchanged... (not to mention they share selfies and videos). I have a friend who thinks I should contact the police about it. They might not be doing anything sexual, but I personally think it's crossed a line a long time ago. And I have another friend who bets their mothers would be extremely interested to know their 13yo daughters are talking with a married (for now) 25 year old man. If only I knew how to get a hold of those mothers, I'd contact them immediately...
DeleteYeah that's what I was driving at. It's not necessarily 'skeevy' per se since you have no idea if he's acted on it at all but it's definitely a gateway of sorts. Nobody spends that amount of time Skyping / facechatting with a member of the opposite sex unless their intentions are more than just pals, especially considering the weird-ass age difference.
DeleteI'd stay out of it with respect to the police as you can't confirm anything. Gotta feel bad for the girls as 13 is definitely below any sort of consenting age (mentally and legally).
Well, being that one girl lives in the UK and another in Iowa, I think it's safe to say nothing sexually was done. Although, I guess there could have been incriminating photos/videos sent, which I highly doubt. But yeah, no 25 yo man should be "friends" with a 13 yo unless it's family. Definitely not the case here. Glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's weird. the friends I've told, who agree with me, are of the female variety, haha, so it's nice to know that you, a male, think the very same thing.
DeleteAnd yeah, as much as it'd give me some weird pleasure to see him behind bars, even for a little awhile, for what he's doing, I'm thinking that I won't do anything about it. Although, I do have copies of some of the messages that were sent between them which kind of raise your eyebrows about what kind of relationship they have...
Yeah the distance is probably the only thing preventing some sort of physical contact which is creepy to even think about, but there you go...
DeletePeople have weird interests and desires. No disputing that. The fact that he doesn't consider it to be weird at all is pretty alarming, though. Pretty soon it basically won't be your business (if it even is at present), so I wouldn't trouble yourself too much with it.
The message logs probably shed some light that I probably don't care to know.. Ha! :-)
If those two girls lived here in town, he'd probably be spending his days with them. Although at that point, the mothers would hopefully notice and intervene. Otherwise yeah, that'd be extremely f'ing creepy.
DeleteI think it has something to do with some weird self-esteem issues and instant gratification from being paid attention to. Even though, you know, he's got a wife that's willing to pay attention to him (or was, anyways). But, guess I'm too old and mature -_- But you're right, soon I won't have to worry about it. Less than 2 weeks to go and I'll be free :)
And oh yes, those message logs shed some light on what is more than just a regular friendship. It's like he's some 13yo girl trying to fit in with them or something :/
Sadly this is one of those "traits" that doesn't become apparent until you live with the person for awhile. It's just so weird that his outlet has become 13 year old girls instead of his own wife. By your own description, it sounds like you constantly tried to make it work and engage him. What else can you do?
DeleteChalk it up! Move out and move on.
-Matt
Yeah, at the start of the relationship, he barely used his phone. But, when I finally moved to the US, he started to text more and spend time on Facebook a lot. Then as of the past few months, throw Skype and Facetime into the mix along with those 13 yo girls.
DeleteThere's only so much I'm willing to put up with before I see it as a lost cause. Which is what it's become. Which is sad to think about, that he'd rather continue talking to 13 yo girls he just befriended over the summer instead of me, his wife of 4 years :/
But, I've learned something for the next relationship. Make sure the guy isn't attached to his phone/computer, but rather to me ;) Lesson learned :)
True enough!
ReplyDeleteWell, I think there's room for balance. I spend a lot of time PC gaming and generally dicking around on the internet, but so does my wife, so it works. We make time for each other, though, and I guess that's the important thing.
You have your 10 year GC. Do you plan on staying in the States I assume? I would guess so based on your apartment hunt but any future plans?
Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm like always on my computer as well, but I wasn't talking to people, I was spending most of my time on VisaJourney, lol. And World of Warcraft when I used to play (kinda stopped a year and a half ago, got too busy with real life stuff to play). Then the past few months, Disney/Universal planning took over. But, compare that to my husband who now just goes online to talk with others.
DeleteYup, have my 10 year Green Card. And yeah, I plan on staying here in the US. My plan is to move to Florida, if possible, by the end of my one-year lease. I'll probably start looking for apartments and jobs online next year some time and see how it goes. Don't get me wrong, I miss Canada horribly, but I want to get away from all this damn cold weather, lol.
Ha! I hear you. Florida will definitely help you escape that.
DeleteI hope it works out for you! I'll keep following along, perhaps less intrusively in the future! :-P
Not sure if you use AIM or not (does anyone besides me and like 4 other people on this planet anymore?!), but my handle is 'elninost0rm' if you ever want to shoot the shit about creepy husbands talking to girls half his age. :)
Oh yes, Florida will definitely help :D Especially being close to Disney and Universal ;)
DeleteAnd thank you!!!
Oh my, people still use AIM?!?! :P I don't think I've used that. If I did, it wasn't for long...
Yeah, yeah, rub it in...Though to be fair, I use Trillian which combines several of those IM clients. I guess the standard these days is Facebook and texting.
DeleteI'm a dinosaur! A 27 year old dinosaur! :-P
Ohh, Trillian I've used. My husband gifted me with the paid version a few years ago. But I stopped using it awhile ago. I'm on Google chat while at work (to talk to my one and only, lol [I'll probably stop logging in once I move out]) and when at home, I keep a Facebook tab open.
DeleteLol, I'll be 26 this Friday! So I must be a dinosaur as well, haha.
I wish Google chat worked here! I work for a gov't agency so most of that is blocked. Oh well. I guess it's a pretty solid "get back to work!" memo. :-P
DeleteEnjoyed the 'one and only' bit. You're approaching it with cynicism already. Good things. Haha
Happy early Birthday!
Oooo, gov't agency, sounds fancy, haha! And what is this work you speak of? LOL Thank goodness I can multi-task *whistles*
DeleteAnd hehe ;)
Thank you! Can't wait to spend it in Canada this year. It'll be the first time in 4 years. And before all this, I'd be bummed spending it without my husband, but alas, now, not bummed at all!
Ha! I always enjoy reading the...vitriol (doesn't do it justice, LOL) of some VJ'ers towards the people at NVC, USCIS, etc. Some are rotten apples, no doubt, but I can safely say that the majority of the people in my Agency seem to be caring, thoughtful individuals that are just trying to help. Often times they are handcuffed by crappy budgets and directives from people in headquarters that have no idea what they actually do. My agency is involved in the same 'vein' of work (claim approval), and I can definitely attest to the fact that most of them are swamped!
DeleteOh I'm multi-tasking! Make no mistake, haha. Having a supervisor buzzing around constantly all but ensures that!
I love Canada. Wife is from the Toronto area. It's so diverse up there. Weather leaves something to be desired for a large portion of the year, but it's great.
Yeah, I understand where VJers are coming from about the ridiculous time frames and such, but it's not exactly the workers' fault. I can't imagine how swamped they are at those places, not to mention most of that stuff is out of their hands. They simply follow what they're told. But alas, some people on VJ don't seem to see that. They have to put the blame on someone, why not the person who answers the phone or reviews their paperwork.
DeleteAnd oh good on the multi-tasking ;)
Yeah, if it wasn't for the cold weather for what feels like 3/4 of the year, I'd definitely consider moving back. But, as it stands, I prefer hot weather. And after my recent trip to Orlando, I hear my name being called there once again!